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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat for daily publications, and we are always mindful to significant toilet tales and milestones, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to discover that a prominent writer a well-known presenter owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Consider the situation regarding the Barnsley supporter who took the rest room rather too directly, and was rescued from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained a representative from Barnsley fire services. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame playing for City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college to use the facilities back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then entered and inquired directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team after a brief chat inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched troubled England locker room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies found him slumped – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – within the changing area's edge, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “soulless”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are long gone, whereas a German currently occupies in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

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Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, wearing only our undergarments. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina examined us thoroughly with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles.

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|